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First, let me say this: not all significant others avoid, or don’t notice, what needs to be done around the house to keep your home in working order.
You may have a partner who collaborates with you to get the housework and chores completed, who can cook multiple meals a week, and who cleans and organizes with no complaints.
This, however, is not always the norm.
In some cases, your spouse does not have a clue. And this ignorant cluelessness can be downright shocking to someone like you who is able to quickly see and fix the obvious.
Maybe your husband walks right past the stinky, overflowing trash can when he comes into the kitchen for a snack, then leans on it when he tells you about his day.
Or maybe your wife is unknowingly collecting stashes of drinking cups in the living room. And in the kitchen, dining room, study, car, bathroom, and bedroom.
Or maybe your partner has never noticed the discarded socks underneath the coffee table, crumbs on the table and floor from breakfast, or the pet hair gathering in clumps on the couch.
And they can all say, with complete innocence and sincerity, “Wait, what mess, babe?”
I can feel the blood boiling inside of you… Resist the urge to explode!
Breathe in, breathe out, and release your death grip on the dustpan – let’s work on this together.
There are actually many useful ways you can inspire your spouse to help around the house, without constantly pestering them or initiating a big, fiery fight.
By utilizing the right strategies, you can create an efficiently-run household while balancing your own workload with some assistance from your significant other.
From giving your spouse fun incentives to altering your own perspective and communication style, the following seven tips will give you some fresh ideas on what to do!
How to Get Your Spouse Involved in Housework
1. Ask, Don’t Nag
How often do you verbally ask your spouse to help around the house, instead of just expecting them to do something?
You can’t anticipate spontaneous help from those who might not have as discerning of an eye as you do!
You might be looking directly at every corner of the house collecting dust, pet hair, and crumbs. What they see is an angry – yet completely silent – partner with crossed arms and furrowed brow.
And no further explanation.
That is, until you blow up three days later, screaming, yelling, and complaining about alllll the disgusting, dirty floors.
Instead of feeling resentful for multiple days, ask – nicely, mind you – for your partner’s help as soon as you see something that needs to be cleaned or fixed.
Instead of starting your question with an accusatory “Why,” transform your question with a proactive “When.”
For example, rather than asking “Why didn’t you fold these clothes yet?” alter your question to a more encouraging “When can we work on folding these clothes together?”
Embody the role of a supportive partner with a positive attitude – no nagging!
2. Cater to Their Passions
Are you dating or married to someone who loves sharp knives or is mesmerized by cool kitchen gadgets?
For an upcoming anniversary, birthday, or holiday, buy them something you know they have on their wish list!
A practical kitchen gift might provide the boost they need to use their new tools and start cooking more often at home for you and the family.
Read our guides and reviews on Foodal to buy exactly what they have been eyeing up for quite some time.
Whether it’s a new chef’s knife, a food processor, an ice cream maker, or a ceramic casserole dish, this gift will be greatly appreciated – and hopefully used often.
They’ll love wielding a gorgeously sleek and perfectly sharp knife to help you out with some prep work in the kitchen! While you prepare the main course, your partner can prepare all the ingredients for the salad.
Encourage them to use their new kitchen tool or appliance at least once a week with a new recipe. You can also compile a few recipes you both will enjoy eating.
A warm and velvety carrot soup sounds so comforting for your next dinner. And you can easily puree everything together using that new immersion blender!
Want to start meal prepping each week? The electric pressure cooker you bought for Christmas will be the best appliance for quickly cooking all kinds of food, like chicken, pasta, rice, and vegetables like broccoli and carrots.
3. Discover and Praise What They Are Doing Already
You may not see it, but fixing the clogged toilet, making coffee in the morning, carrying the heavy stuff out to the car, rolling the trashcan to the end of the driveway, and switching out the batteries in the fire alarm are all small tasks that fall under the category of housework.
It’s not fair to demand your husband or wife to take on more if they are already doing a lot around the house – and it may actually discourage them from volunteering additional help.
In other words, just like they may not be able to see the mess right under their noses that you can clearly identify, you may have conditioned yourself to not see what they are diligently completing on a daily basis.
Take the time to reflect, and even write out a list, of all the tasks your spouse has done over the last week.
It may be longer than you expect!
Make sure that you are praising them for these smaller tasks.
There is no better incentive than recognizing and showcasing gratitude for what they are already doing around the house.
4. Don’t Try to Control Everything
Let’s face it: many of us are experts at micromanaging our spouses.
We know everything there is to know about housework, so when you see your hubby or wifey vacuuming the stairs in a weird way or stacking the dishes differently than how you prefer, we make a loud fuss and usually correct it.
They see us take over the task, shrug, and think, why bother next time?
STOP!
If someone is helping you load the dishwasher, simply be thankful that you have the extra assistance. Don’t worry if they are going a little slower than you, or if the forks aren’t facing the way you like them.
As long as a chore is being completed well enough, leave them alone.
Remind yourself that someone is actually helping you! Enjoy it, and continue to encourage it!
Verbally appreciate their help – without any persnickety critiques of their housework style.
And you might be surprised…
Even though they may not help with housework on a regular basis, they might actually have some solutions you never thought of before.
Sometimes my husband picks up his dirty clothes with his toes. At first, I thought it was a little strange. But now… I think it’s genius!
Would you want to use your hands to touch the wet, dirty work clothes, socks, and boxers of a sweaty chef who worked the dish pit for the last three hours of his shift?
5. Patiently Teach Them
Without contradicting Tip #4, patiently show your partner how to complete a task he’s never done before, or doesn’t know how to do safely.
Maybe your husband didn’t realize he should clean the filter in your dishwasher, or doesn’t know how to add fabric softener to a load of laundry, or has never sharpened and honed knives.
Don’t let your surprise morph into instant judgment if you expected your significant other to know how to successfully complete a task.
Let this be a fun bonding moment for both of you – encourage questions, and don’t be irritated if they need you to explain directions a second (or third) time.
6. Plan a Yard Sale
This is ideal for cleaning out your entire house – and certain members of your family might be notorious for stockpiling clothes, gizmos, gadgets, and other supplies they haven’t used in years.
Eliminate the clutter while earning some extra spending money!
Gaining a few extra bucks might be the only initiative a lazier cleaning partner needs to finally get rid of that beer brewing equipment sitting in the basement for the last five years.
And you know there is so much more that you can sell:
Books, movies, games, toys, kitchen accessories and appliances, clothes, shoes, outdoor gardening tools and equipment, unopened toiletries…
First focus on setting a date to host a yard sale, or to take photos and post on sites like Craigslist, Ebay, or Facebook Marketplace.
This date will depend on how quickly you want to work through the clutter in your home – if you can both dedicate the time to work efficiently, you might only need a weekend. However, if you operate better as a team at a more leisurely, less anxiety-ridden pace, give yourself one or two months to carefully work through each room in the house.
If there are any complaints, smile sweetly and remind your spouse of the wad of cash you’ll soon have – which will be perfect to use towards a much-needed date night, like dining at a restaurant, going to a winery, attending an upcoming concert, or visiting a museum.
As a fun idea to save your money, set up an adult piggy bank for the both of you – you can save all of your money from these sales for a bigger vacation.
Wooden Travel Fund Box, available from Amazon
This travel fund box with a rustic wooden frame provides a charming way for you to work together on a common goal. It’s available now from Amazon.
7. Understand Your Spouse Is Not the Problem
Remember – your partner is a fellow human being whom you love, admire, and respect. And your home is an environment created by your bond that needs constant attention from both of you.
Identify that the unmowed lawn, the pile of mail, the unwashed dishes, or the empty fridge is the problem that you must solve together.
Don’t make the mistake of confusing your partner for the problem at hand. With that twisted perspective, you mutate him or her into your personal enemy, someone that you are fighting against.
Keep in mind that you are a united couple, and that both of you will be stronger together, rather than divided, in solving your household issues!
You’re a team here – if she’s trimming the shrubbery outside, go out and bring her a cold drink. If he’s getting your children ready for bed upstairs, go downstairs and tidy up the family room for him.
Read This Article Together – and Laugh Together!
You and your partner may agree, disagree, or completely break down laughing when you read any one of these tips.
Every couple is different, and we know that.
But here’s our point…
If you respectfully open the discussion to both of your flaws and your strengths in maintaining the home you share, you’ll foster a better understanding of how you can work together to handle chores.
Not only will you build a better, cleaner, and more organized home together, but you’ll also continue developing your own relationship and supporting positive communication with each other.
How do you handle dividing up housework with your spouse or partner? What are your own tips you would like to share? Leave a comment below!
Are there specific cleaning tasks neither of you can figure out how to tackle? We have some practical pointers among our many articles for cleaning tips. Read these suggestions next:
- 7 Tips for Cleaning Stainless Steel in the Kitchen
- Organize Your Fridge and Freezer in 6 Easy Steps
- How to Organize Your “Junk” Drawer in 5 Steps
© Ask the Experts, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. See our TOS for more details. Uncredited photos via Shutterstock. Product photo provided by Amazon. Originally published on August 15, 2014. Last updated on August 16, 2023.
About Nikki Cervone
Nikki Cervone is an ACS Certified Cheese Professional and cheesemonger living in Pittsburgh. Nikki holds an AAS in baking/pastry from Westmoreland County Community College, a BA in Communications from Duquesne University, and an MLA in Gastronomy from Boston University. When she's not nibbling on her favorite cheeses or testing a batch of cupcakes, Nikki enjoys a healthy dose of yoga, wine, hiking, singing in the shower, and chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
This article is great, just the right amount of humor with some useful tips. I really like that you didn’t make any blanket statements about men or women, I think we all appreciate your very fair approach to this. I really like the tips and one that has always worked well for me is not trying to control everything. I live with my boyfriend and used to want everything to be perfect all the time–I know amateur mistake–I would become annoyed with the way he filled the dishwasher, the way he put dishes away, the sloppy way he put the detergent in the washer that I made him (I’m assuming by my mannerisms) feel stupid and not want to help. Finally he was like “I am trying but don’t know what you want.” I figure that we need to find a way to make this work so I do the things that I can’t stand to see him not do the way I do, bathroom cleaning and laundry and he helps dust, vacuum and handle the dishwasher however he pleases. It’s not a perfect system but it helped take all the responsibility off of my shoulders and I appreciate that.
It goes without saying, we ought to be more appreciative …at least he took the effort, you are on the winning side forextraspecialstuff, i tend to fume huge bellows of smoke if things are not done to my rule and order, what a wonderful way to make people scurry off !…its a long time coming to mellow down my critical nature…but my friends are saying i’ ve changed to the best of course…well its a good sign when i get him…inner talk will work i bet, if i find am on that side of almost saying something i might regret 🙂
Not yet in that camp but glad to have stumbled on this informative advice, i for one can be very critical and wanting things done my way, reading the article above, it begs me to cut them some slack, if he even remotely offered to do a certain chore, i should be in awe of him and be grateful….hmmm, couldn’t help but notice some ‘naughty bits’ to tempt him into helping…once i cross that bridge, you can bet am using those ‘spicy’ tips ;).
While growing up as a child, my Grandfather lived in our household and he and my Father performed most of the house work/ cleaning and cooking. My Mother worked and my Father was retired from the Air Force (he was injured during his last year of service). I was always amazed when other kids would comment that their Mothers’ performed chores.
Some funny and interesting points here. I am glad I read it, but as a husband in question it feels like I am behind enemy lines. Any chance of a follow up post detailing ways to get the wife to do more housework?
Lol! I was thinking the same thing as I read this article…my husband actually does a fair majority of the housework and has an easier time spotting messes than I do! The article, while funny, was a little bit unfair to the wonderful men in our lives. At least Lynne did mention that this didn’t apply to ALL men.
You are a lucky woman and I am very jealous!
You could switch all the genders around and it would apply to me. My husband is the clean one, and I will only tidy up when the filth is up to a point where it gets in my way. Any tips for getting women more involved in housework? LOL!
I am so lucky that my husband has been doing most of the household chores, except washing the dishes, because of my pregnancy condition. He’s always on the run to buy my cravings, medicines and even escorted me in buying my maternity dresses. He cooks meals making sure they are safe for me and my baby. As a reward, basketball during weekend would be fine with him and if I’m feeling well, we would go to the movie together to relax.
Do women not find sex, food, and gadgets good incentives? I know it would motivate me… 😉
Fun tips, the biggest one here is to just communicate with your husband or partner. I’m lucky because mine is more into cleaning than I am. We split the duties pretty evenly. Clean together and then find some way to reward everyone.
My husband seldom clean the house. And if that happens he really clean all the way up to the kitchen. But it all happens at least once a year. ha! ha! ha!
I don’t pressure him when it comes to cleaning. But when I need his help, he’s there for me to give a hand. He’s quite messy when it comes to changing his clothes. He just throw it anywhere! But he doesn’t like messy and cluttered table. 🙂
I’m glad I’ve never had this problem. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a few years and this has never been a problem. That being said, I will be passing this article to my friends and family so they can read it. I know for a fact there are some women and men that I know that could do to help out around their house more. I think communication really is the key. If I want my boyfriend to take out the trash while I am doing another chore, I just ask him. I don’t expect him to do everything and he doesn’t expect me to either and that works for us.
I have to say, I am one of the lucky ones: my husband happily does cooking and washing-up, he’s a great cook indeed. Yet one of the things I cannot get him to do is to put in the clothes to wash, I have to be really ill when he finally gets to that stage. He seems to be oblivious to where clothes come from 🙂 however I can forgive him that, he’s really funny on the other hand, he never gets a right pair of socks on. I tried the being naked tip but that’s just too distracting for us…hihi.
All very good ideas, I have thought and tried some of these before myself and it can help. Right now the bigger issue I run into is my boyfriend working 50 or more hours a week so hes just to tired. Since I work at home anyways it is a lot easier for me to tackle the chores. Which I don’t mind but sometimes its nice to get help, especially if he is making most of the mess to begin with.
Nice article, however I must admit I don’t want my husbands help. He doesn’t clean good enough for me. If he tries to help I get upset with him. I tell him just go sit down I’ll get this. I do think it’s sweet that he wants to help. I suppose I should at least let him load the dish washer from time to time.
This article is written pretty entertaining! I could not help but laugh when you dare a comparison between men and your dog rolling in its poop… So mean, so mean, but the rest of your article is more fair and appreciative of the male side of the tracks! I particularly loved reading this very true sentence where you remind us that the man is not the enemy, it’s the mess that is. He’s the partner, the man we love. And I tend to forget that — when we’re fighting, when he’s doing something wrong, when he’s just not doing something he has to. But I ought to remind myself that yeah, we’re partner and it’s us against the world, we can’t afford to sweat all the small stuff like him cutting my onions wrong! He does make a great cook though.
I would try the naked thing, but like allaballa mentioned, I’m scared that it would put him offtrack more than not. I’ll keep this article around for inspiration, though. Yard sales are pretty much out of the question for us — he likes to buy useless stuff, not to sell his!
This article is not only helpful, but hugely entertaining too! I think my husband would love the idea of ‘naked cleaning’.
The problem in my house is exactly as you describe here – my husband will walk past the overflowing bin, pile of laundry, and even dishes and coffee mugs left lying around. I get frustrated that he doesn’t see these things, and of course I start nagging him about it. But there are other times when I’m busy, or not feeling well, and he will do his best to take care of the daily chores to my satisfaction. I often find myself checking what he’s done, and complaining that he hasn’t done it properly. Your article has made me realize that I should appreciate his efforts a lot more than I do.
Really useful tips, thank you!
There are certainly some men who will pitch in with the cooking and cleaning (and many of them seem to be ex-military!) but me and my girlfriends are always complaining about how little our men do. There’s some great advice here, particularly about seeing things from his point of view, and I will be trying some of the tactics mentioned here over the coming weeks. Thanks!
Honestly I think you just need to tell them to do something. If they aren’t willing to help you don’t have a healthy relationship. I would first focus on “man” tasks as as moving, lifting and cutting things. Then move onto the more finer cleaning tasks.
I absolutely LOVE this article! I already do some of things mentioned above. I know that if I help him change the oil in his car, for example, then he’ll help me do the dishes. If I offer to iron his works clothes then he’ll help me laundry. When we used to have our own place (we live with his parents now) I was always naked! I used to joke around saying that we should live in a nudist colony. I definitely need to buy him a barbecue! Less time in the kitchen for me, haha!!!
I am lucky my husband loves to clean, he’s always been handy around the house. However these tips I still find helpful because learning to give him incentives is a great idea. Most other women I know have problems getting their husband or partner to do daily and weekly chores, so this article I will forward onto them. I think its great when a couple share the housework.
My partner does most of the cooking & the repair in our house. So, whenever I get upset that I’m cleaning everything I just remind myself of all the work he does for us. Occasionally he will do the dishes & make the bed. I know he cares and does a lot of work that I don’t do, so I make the best of it. Creating ways to organize and decluttering our home has really helped and he loves it too. Your suggestion for yard sales is one of our favorite things to do together.
I’m not going to lie to you, when I read the title I was skeptical… VERY skeptical. But now that I’ve read them I think some of them really may work. And if you knew my husband you would understand why I am so shocked. Thank you for the great ideas!
My wife does all of this to me all the time! I never liked the term ‘hen-pecked’, but that would perfectly describe my relationship with my wife, and I love it that way. Cleaning has never been a problem for me, I’m a naturally clean guy, and I love doing housework.
Here’s how I let my guy know that he needs to start cleaning: I stop feeding him. That’s it. He’s become so reliant on me for the meals that he can barely make a sandwich for himself. If I stop cooking for him he makes it a point to get right on those dished to ‘make room for me’ or the floor so I’m ‘comfortable in the kitchen’ Works like a charm. Would not suggest this if you’re a terrible cook. =)
Evil, but it does the job, got to give you that! I’m actually glad my mother didn’t do this to me while I was home for the summer break, haha!
I’m the guy good with domestic duties. My wife, children and I are sharing a home with her father and brother. I have been banging my head on the wall trying to get help cleaning. Some of these suggestions will work great with her father and brother but not sure how to approach my wife or children. I get overwhelmed keeping up with the messes made by 6 people.
I find that one of the best ways to get my husband to help with housework is to make him see how hard I work at home and at work. Usually, when I start doing housework, if he’s sitting around watching nothing important, he might get up and help though this has often been a problem so I greatly appreciate the ideas and motivations mentioned in this blog and accompanying comments – Thank you all 🙂
This is funny! This is also very true.
As a male who has lived on his own for a # of years, in places that were inspected and needed to be kept clean (my work put me up in their accommodations) I had to learn a lot of this the hard way. Keeping face at work is a powerful incentive.
Now I do this as a second nature, my wife’s pretty lucky in that respect.
It took a few years to really learn housework and to love it.
Ladies, can I stress #12???
It will go along way!
She never used to offer to help with fixing things and working on the car because she though she couldn’t or would get in the way.
You know how helpful it is just to have someone grab tools or put them away? Plus then it gives us men a chance to teach you something! “Grab that 5 mm socket and ratchet driver please” my lady know what to do!
This is funny. I think there is a lot more to it than all of this. I do hear your frustration. Everyone is different certainly there are plenty of women who are messy and don’t do housework.
Majority of the behaviors stem from childhood and how that went. Any individual in a family needs to choose what they do to keep things in order. The honey to do list and dictating doesn’t work even with a child. This kind of action sets up the environment for arguments and rebellion. Husbands included.
I love the leaning on the garbage thing after work. This is funny. I’d probably smile and say I guess we need to make more money to hire a maid or garbage guy. It’s like he is saying that he worked all day why don’t you do it. Women always say it is a man’s job to take out the garbage. Regardless it needs to be done.
It is good to make sure everyone included understands what needs to be done to keep a house in order, but the main thing is to let them choose what they do. You take away a very important thing from them with dictating jobs. Spelling it out and let it fly. Happily taking that garbage out once and while helps, like its no big deal.
I once said the floor needs to be cleaned, thinking I would do it soon. Next thing I know someone is sweeping and mopping very shortly after. It’s hard to keep up after other people who don’t bother. What’s the point anyway. Do what you can and hope for the best.
You really do damage to children when you don’t let them choose in situations like this and you will regret it later in life.
My husband and son never really clean up but they always leave a mess wherever they go. Once I started to only clean my personal stuff they had to clean theirs out of necessity. I think that if you want your husband/son to clean up around the house then you should let them know how it feels to be around something messy.
This article is definitely an eye opener for me. I guess I’ve never realized how much he does around the house and I’ve never taken the time to appreciate my boyfriend whenever he cooks, even when he does it wrong. I think my biggest take-out is that I should appreciate him more for trying to help and I should avoid criticizing him for not cleaning right or not automatically realizing that I need help around the house. It’s an “aha” moment for me,as Oprah would call it!
Awesome article!!! This put a smile on my face!
My husband…god bless him, really does try on occasion to help out. However, I am a neat freak!! So most of the times I just do it myself. He was also raised in a home which cleaning was never expected of him, nor was the basics taught to him.
My husband with a mop the floor before sweeping it, or run the faucet so strongly when washing dishes it creates more of a mess (which he doesn’t clean after). Now I know I am making him seem useless, but he’s not. he loves to use new things, so like mentioned in the article, I have taken him to kitchen supply stores and boughten him items that he can use when we get home. As a result, I get a sous chef and he’s so excited about his new items he cleans up after himself.
I also bribe him into helping out with things I know he can’t resist, new toys and gadgets and a little lingerie for me 😉
This is just too funny 🙂 Everything in this article is sooo true. I am one of the lucky ones, my husband does help out around the house and doesn’t really like a mess. The problem is that if he cleans, he doesn’t do it torough enough for my liking, so I am doing the cleaning! He does help whenever I ask him 🙂 And he is in charge of the garden and walking the dogs, so it is divided evenly. I might try the cleaning naked tip one day :-p
Ha, what a fun article. Full of good advice too! I hate cleaning, but I can’t afford a housekeeper, so yeah. This is great. Can the next one be about getting kids to do their part?
If being married for twenty years has taught me anything, it’s that number 6 is 100% right on. There should be a paper that comes with every marriage certificate that says, “Your mate is not a mind reader.” Couples would be much happier. Don’t walk around discouraged thinking “he should know.” Just ask him.
My husband cooks and cleans sometimes but I often wish he could do just a little bit more because then it would be somewhat easier for me.
The thing is I hardly ask him to help out and I do not stress that much about it.
However, if I do complain loudly about it then all of a sudden he does help out more I guess I just have to ask him more and try to follow some of these tips. Thanks for sharing.
I can definitely say a few of these do really work! lol Having a yard sale, makes my fiance want to get rid of all the old, so he can buy other nice things, which I am totally okay with! I also send him to the store for specific things, such as a new handheld mixer, sharp knife set, thermometers, measuring cups, etc and h never fails.
The title of this article stopped me in my tracks. This is something I’ve been trying to do in all our years of married life, and I’ve failed miserably. My husband will take care of the housework when he has to, if I’m ill, for instance, and he’ll do it pretty well too! But other than that, on a day to day basis, he’s not interested in helping out in the least bit. I hope some of these tips can help me get him to do more to help me around the house.
For me, it’s a give and take process. We need to communicate with them properly when we need help. Personally, I asked my husband to help clean the toilet. Since he is not really comfortable with it, I bought some fun and cool tools that can help him make the work easier. And it worked for him.
If he loves you, the husband would take any recommends for housework. That’s all!
Hi all, my partner and I have been together for over 3 years now and I am younger than him by 11 years. We have a beautiful 1-year-old daughter together.
I’ve been struggling for all our relationship to get him to make an effort to at least help me with the small little things, however he throws in my face that I don’t work and he does so it’s my responsibility to clean the house. I will do a heap of dishes every day and by the time he gets home from work he would rather throw them in the sink instead of just washing what he used. I have spoken to him countless times but I just can’t get him to understand that I’m not his maid irrespective of the fact that I will clean the house for the hygiene of my daughter considering Covid-19.
Please, any advice would be much appreciated as I am ready just to give up trying to keep the house clean. Nothing I say to him seems to sink in and he constantly turns everything on me as if it’s my fault and “job” to run behind him as if he is a child/mentally impaired person.
I find this article disturbing because your article doesn’t question the fact that we’ve all been conditioned to believe that women own the housework. Your article completely misses this assumption and therefore feeds into the sexism which is at the root of men believing they have no responsibility to do that type of work. Women do nearly all of the housework, do it thanklessly, and you are peddling the sexist belief that women must reward a man for doing his share… Most disturbing that you are telling women that they need to trade sex in exchange for their husband’s doing what should be an equitable share of the work. If you continue writing about housework in your next article perhaps you should explore the sexism which informed this article and give advice to women on how to navigate that instead.
Yeeeeaaah. If I did the robe he wouldn’t take it as an incentive to help out but rather a challenge to get it off. He has sat in the other room watching shows waiting for me to “go to bed”. I got mad and decided to deep clean the kitchen just to let him keep waiting. He took it as I would rather clean the kitchen than spend time with him. He doesn’t maintain the yard. He occasionally rides on the mower. I’m the one pulling the weeds. He talked about wanting prime rib and I told him the oven had cleaner in it. Instead of taking the initiative and cleaning it so he could cook what he wanted he is content to “get to it when he wants prime rib enough”. In the meantime, I have bananas ready to be turned into bread so if I don’t want them to actually spoil I’ll have to do it even though I told hil to his face that I was refusing to clean the oven just so he could reap the benefits without sharing the work. Maybe I won’t bake the bananas but leave them in his bed cause I won’t be sleeping there.